If you’re trying to wear your hair curly and you feel like you’re doing everything right but your hair still doesn’t look how you want, you’re not failing — you’re just starting from damage or curl memory loss.

Most people who are new to wearing their curls aren’t starting from fully intact curl structure. They’re coming from years of heat styling, chemical treatments, hiding their curls in tight ponytails, or simply not wearing their hair curly consistently. That changes what your hair can realistically do right now.

As a curl coach, this is something I see with clients all the time. Recovery isn’t about doing more or overhauling your entire routine. It’s about knowing what to stop so you’re not delaying progress — and what to start so your hair can actually improve while it grows out.

This post is part of my Beginner Curls Series, where I break down what actually matters so you can stop feeling stuck and start seeing progress.

​

❌ Stop Going Back and Forth
✅ Start Wearing Your Hair Curly Consistently

If you straighten your hair every time you get frustrated, you’re constantly resetting the process.

This applies to obvious heat damage, but it also applies to curl memory loss. Hair adapts to how it’s styled. If it’s been blown out, pulled back tightly, or worn straight most of the time, it may not respond immediately when you switch to curly styling.

Curl memory improves with repetition.

When I was in this awkward middle phase, I was fully refreshing daily because my hair didn’t last, and I would go back to straight styles when it felt easier. My curls didn’t start improving until I committed to wearing them curly consistently and stopped switching back and forth.

Consistency gives your hair a chance to show you its real potential.

As a curl coach, I see this transformation all the time once someone stops switching back and forth.

​Annual Group Coaching Testimonial​ "I went from constantly having my hair in a bun, to having out and styled curly for up to 5-6 days. I truly love my curls! I am on the journey to accepting what my hair potential is!" -Annual Winter Group Coaching Member

❌ Stop Holding Onto Damaged Ends
✅ Start Trimming as You Grow Damage Out

Damaged ends don’t just look dry — they behave differently.

They tangle more easily, feel rougher, struggle to hold definition, and create frizz at the perimeter of your style. Even a few inches of compromised ends can impact the entire result.

Split ends travel upward. Waiting too long between trims allows damage to move higher up the strand.

You don’t have to cut everything off at once. But trimming regularly — and cutting off as much as you can realistically tolerate — makes the grow-out phase significantly easier.

When I slowly grew out my highlights, I held onto damaged length for too long because I didn’t want to lose it. It made styling harder than it needed to be.

❌ Stop Shampooing Tangled Hair
✅ Start Pre-Wash Protection & Gentle Detangling

Wash day is where a lot of damage quietly happens.

Hair is most fragile when it’s wet. Going straight to shampoo on tangled hair increases friction, and shampoo slightly lifts the cuticle, which can tighten tangles if they’re not removed first.

Remove tangles before cleansing. You can do this in one of two ways:

Option 1: Detangle in the shower with conditioner

• Use plenty of slip
• Work gently from the ends upward

​Maui Moisture Lightweight Hydration + Hibiscus Water Conditioner​

Option 2: Use a lightweight oil before washing

​Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Strengthening Oil is a good drugstore option, but any oil will work.

• Apply to dry hair
• Helps with slip for detangling
• Protects fragile, damaged ends
• Optional rotation with bond-building treatment (not stacked)
• This is an add-on for breakage protection, not a replacement for bond building treatments
• Especially important for damaged or transitioning hair

​Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Strengthening Oil​

This isn’t about adding more steps. It’s about reducing breakage during the steps you’re already doing.

❌ Stop Expecting Deep Conditioner to Fix Damage
✅ Start Using Bond-Building Treatments Consistently

If your hair is damaged from heat or chemical services, the issue is structural — not just dryness.

Deep conditioners:

• Improve softness
• Help with manageability
• Do not repair internal structure

Bond-building treatments:

• Support internal structure
• Require consistent use
• Work gradually over time

​Olaplex No. 3 is used before shampooing on damp hair and left on to support internal bonds. Curlsmith Bond Curl Rehab Salve is another strengthening option that can support structure, especially when your curl pattern feels inconsistent. These are applied on WET hair and not used on the same day as pre-shampoo oil.

​Olaplex No. 3​

​Curlsmith Bond Curl Rehab Salve​

These treatments are not dramatic after one use. Weekly consistency is what supports gradual improvement. Recovery is incremental, not instant.

❌ Stop Avoiding Clarifying
✅ Start Resetting Your Hair Regularly

If you’re layering stylers, oils, conditioners, and treatments without clarifying, buildup can block progress.

Clarifying removes product residue and hard water minerals so your hair can reset.

Some of my favorites:

• ​Malibu C Hard Water Wellness Shampoo – stronger and more intensive, helpful if you have significant mineral buildup or haven’t clarified in a while
• ​Ouidad Water Works Clarifying Shampoo – more gentle, making it a better option for more regular use

Clarifying gives your hair a clean foundation so your treatments and stylers can perform the way they’re supposed to.

​Malibu C Hard Water Wellness Shampoo​

​Ouidad Water Works Clarifying Shampoo​

❌ Stop Overconditioning
✅ Deep Condition Only If Your Hair Truly Needs It

It’s easy to assume damaged hair needs constant deep conditioning.

But softness alone doesn’t equal health. Overconditioning can make curls limp and harder to hold, especially if your hair is already naturally soft.

Condition after clarifying. If your hair feels truly dry or brittle, lighter masks like Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Bond Building Mask or Briogeo Acai & Passionfruit Lightweight Mask can support softness without overwhelming the hair.

The goal is balance — not excess.

​Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Bond Building Mask​

​Briogeo Superfoods Acai Passionfruit Lightweight Hydration Hair Mask​

❌ Stop Using Heat Without Protection
✅ Start Using a Heat Protectant & Keeping Prep Simple

If you diffuse, you’re still using heat.

​Curlsmith Miracle Shield is a lightweight spray option that provides heat (and UV) protection. Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Leave-In is another simple prep option that gives slip and protection in one step.

You don’t need multiple prep layers. Keep it simple. One protective product applied evenly is enough.

If you want the full breakdown of styling for hold and longevity so your curls last longer and require less manipulation the next day, that’s covered in the First Wash Day Experiment video in this series.

From here, the focus shifts to protecting that style.

​Curlsmith Miracle Shield Heat Protection Spray​

​Not Your Mother’s Curl Talk Leave-In Conditioner​

❌ Stop Sleeping Unprotected
✅ Start Protecting Your Hair Every Night

Friction at night can quietly undo your progress.

Switch to a satin or silk pillowcase. The Curlsmith Satin Pillowcase helps reduce friction and preserve your style overnight.

For additional protection, use a satin bonnet with an adjustable band to keep curls gently gathered. This reduces friction and helps maintain shape so you’re not forced to fully refresh the next morning.

Night protection supports long-term recovery.

​Curlsmith Satin Pillowcase​

​Satin bonnet with adjustable band​

❌ Stop Over-Refreshing & Daily Wetting
✅ Start Letting Styles Last & Hiding Safely When Needed

Constantly re-wetting and restyling creates unnecessary manipulation — especially on fragile ends.

Instead of fully refreshing daily, let styles last as long as you reasonably can. If certain areas get frizzy or flat, hide them safely rather than redoing everything.

Low-tension options that help during the awkward phase:

• ​Curlfriend Collective Midi Scrunchies (instead of tight elastics)
• ​Comfort Curve Silk Headband​
• ​Wavy headbands​
• ​Small mini claw clips​

These let you tuck pieces back, disguise frizz at the perimeter, or get hair off your face without creating tension that disrupts curl memory.

Hiding safely during this phase isn’t failure. It’s a strategy that helps you stay consistent while your hair improves.

​Curlfriend Collective Midi Silk Scrunchies​

​Curlfriend Collective Espresso Comfort Curve Silk Headband​

​Wavy Headbands Plastic Skinny Thin Non-Slip Flexible Hair Bands​

​Mini Grip Octopus Clip Spider Jaw Hair Claw Clips 24 Pack 3 cm​

Recovery is gradual — but this is what it can look like.

​Annual Group Coaching Testimonial​ "I was happy to learn that Gena keeps the group size small enough that she can give each member the specific help they each need. I have saved money on wrong products, have less frustration as I learn to recognize issues. I am more confident wearing my curls, understand my hair better, and have more patience and reasonable expectations. I have simplified my routine for better results. -Lynn Deloyd, Annual Member

Recovery Takes Time — But It Works

Recovery takes time. You can absolutely see better definition, less frizz, and improved longevity even while damaged ends are still growing out.

You don’t need a brand-new routine. You need consistency, realistic expectations, and a clear plan for what to stop and what to start doing.

If you want everything summarized in one place, download the Damage Recovery Checklist and use it as a guide while your hair grows out.

If you’re ready to fast-track your curl recovery journey or just get your curls in order this year, no matter what stage you're in, join my upcoming Spring Group Curl Coaching Program. I work with clients to build a damage recovery plan together and guide them through this stage so they don’t have to guess.

Enrollment closes on March 15!